I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
