i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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