I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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