If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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