we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
