I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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