Me too!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
