obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
soo... how was my night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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