If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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