I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
