Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
