omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
