I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
