Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
