Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
