So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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