he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
