so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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