dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
