just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
