He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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