Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
