and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
