How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
