If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
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How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I just put wine in my tea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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