hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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