You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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