GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
