his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
