when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
