also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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