so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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