so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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