At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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