so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
