you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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