I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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