the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
