Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
