Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
