remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Found your dick twin last night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
