just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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