I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
