I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I AM VODKA MAN
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
