literally had 100 drinks last night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
