My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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