After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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