I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
