I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
