I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
