A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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