thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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