She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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