i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I CAN MOONWALK!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
