Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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