Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
