i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
