Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
